she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
