haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Drake has all the answers
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
