I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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