So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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