yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
