i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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