Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
