I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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