I wish I could teleport
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
