Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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