she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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