Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
