basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I think my moral compass just broke
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
