Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
