PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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