New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
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