I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My feet surprised me
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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