last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
