So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
