She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
