you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
