he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
