apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
there was a trapeze. enough said
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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