yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
