I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
