I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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