So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
