I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
