Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
