First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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