he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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