yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
