hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
