so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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