She said her name was "party"
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
