Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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