You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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