I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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