There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
