You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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