She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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