dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
my poor anus
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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