I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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