So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
