ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
