She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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