Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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