I'd wear matching sweaters with you
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I had to cum in my sink.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
