I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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