yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
